Utility

An umbrella gently
bounced down the sidewalk,
dwarfing the small frame
that sloshed beneath it.
Wet wellies kicking spray,
forming tiny wakes
that rippled softly and
once again spread over the concrete.

It was navy blue,
not bright and ostentatious.
It absorbed the light.
It defied notice -
a mere shield -
a little pitched tent.
It glided along,
bobbing and swaying,

Growing smaller down the way.
No gust of wind
disturbed the pace.
The gait I counted
down the walk:
one, two, one, two.
The roof-like tarp
steadily took the patches of block
until at the corner
it escaped my view.

(C) Tasha Chinnock 2012

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Wager

I dare you, days,
To try and outlive me.
I was built to last.
I'm cast in brass.
I carry on.
On my knees,
I'll just get stronger.
Lonely and sad
Convince me to wait.
Angry and scared
Keep me breathing.
Hungry and tired
Are a challenge, a dare.
They remind me to care.
Feed love, starve hate.
Music and rhythm
Are always right here,
Singing and pounding
My heart to a prayer.
There isn't a secret
Or a darkness so deep
That it can stop me
From taking my next step.
I keep getting up.
I'll never retreat.
Competition with life itself.
I'm a finisher.
That's how you win -
You just don't give in.
So, let the world turn.
Let the sun burn.
Let the wind and water
Grind and persist.
Time is only a measured thing.
It was made to run out.
It falls short of eternity.
Eternal me will outlive Time.
Outlive the aching
and the inadequacy
of weekdays and weakness.
I plan to be around
To see the Plenty when it comes down.

(C) Tasha Chinnock 2012

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Metanoia

It is true I never loved
the way that love was meant to be
I loved with fickle, selfish stuff
and all centered on me.

And yet it was a greater love
than ever I'd felt before
A willingness to die to self
and live for something more.

But in my flesh such passive love,
Inadequate at best,
You felt like a nagging wound.
It never let you rest.

I love you still, but selfish love
Is forever gone from me.
I learned too late that all is lost
If I put me before thee.

And yet I plead with God above
Fill me, O Lord, with perfect love!
Give me what lacked in all those years
I've paid for love with all my tears!

Now see, I'm still here looking out
at a world of unknown fear
And I will face that world again,
side by side with you, my dear.

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Conflict

My heart and my body
don't understand my spirit.
They are all fighting for me
but at war with each other.
Like life-long friends
engaged in a constant cat fight.
My body fights for its needs
the cravings,
biological demands
of my humanhood.
My heart fights for its desires
My hopes and dreams.
It tells me they are my right
It drives me forward.
My spirit fights for my freedom.
It reminds me who I am
in the eyes of heaven.
It whispers the promises
that can't be broken.
It calms my body,
It soothes my heart.
It chants to me
Peace, peace, peace,
Be still.

(C) Tasha Chinnock 2012

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What is a Man?

What is a man?
He is put together
of muscle and hormone
and other hard, hard stuff.
He is instinct and reflex
and all for self.
A man will bury the bones
of all his past sins
in the soil of your heart.
A man will hold tightly
to his dreams, unaware
that they are choking the life
out of everyone around him.
A man won't wake up
and see you.
He is basic and static.
A man is an island of disregard.

(C) Tasha Chinnock 2012

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Idolatry

I have always carried around
in my raggedy heart
Your pains and worries.
I have allowed all your burdens
to be my own.
You didn't deserve my love
any more than you deserve God's love.
I just gave it to you.
A whole lump sum.
I poured out myself
And became a vessel of only you.
I walked and talked and ate and slept
as unto you.
I allowed you to be a god to me.
Some would argue
you weren't all-powerful.
But you had power
that you didn't even recognize.
You had so much at your beck and call
I would have done it all.
Killer, sinner, beggar, slave -
your fool. Your willing fool.
You are still here.
Carried on my back.
A burden I cannot loose.

(C) Tasha Chinnock 2012

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Goals

I want the woman I see in the mirror
To be the same one I see in my own heart.
I want to stop seeing as the world sees
and see myself as God sees.
When I lay my head on my pillow
and silently reflect on my day
I want who I was today
to be something I am proud of -
not something I defend.
I want to be who I was created to be.

(C) Tasha Chinnock 2012

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Grace

How can it be
that you will cry out to God now
after so much is all said and done
and broken and lost
and damaged and hurt.
After all your rebellion
how can it be
that God will reach out to you
and you will get your way?
Still free from me
Still there and not here.
But back in the light?
How can you deserve that?
The miracle is that you don't.
And you don't have to.

(C) Tasha Chinnock 2012

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